The Shadow Knows

"From ghoolies and ghosties and long leggedy beasties, and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us."
- Scottish Prayer


All of us have one, that face that we keep hidden from all but our closest friends. It is the face that sometimes shows when we lose control. It is our shadow self. It is the part of ourselves where we hide our fears and frustrations, our hate, anger and insecurities. It’s the place where we keep all those things that make us feel small, and ashamed, and weak.

It’s also the place where we keep all those things that make us human.

Our personal development, the way we become the person we are, is a struggle. There’s no way to feel safe unless we learn to face fears. There’s no way to feel emotion without recognizing that some emotions are painful. There’s no way to feel self-assured unless we recognize and overcome our insecurities. It’s the feelings that make us who we are.

Fortunately, few of us become so paralyzed by our shadow side that we cease to function. We find a way to overcome all the ghoolies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties that try to keep us from becoming the people we think we want to be. But those monsters are always hiding in our closet. They are always ready to spring out and grab us by the ankles, to drag us into their clutches when we are most vulnerable.

The problem is that, we need to make ourselves vulnerable. By keeping the closet door of our lives closed and locked, we keep all the demons out, but we also keep out the angels. Because they’re in there too.

Yes, there are angels in our shadow self as well. Even though it's sometimes hard to recognize them as angels, they are there. They are angels that want to bring us great gifts, if only we will let them. Angels that will bring us hope, and peace and, most precious of all, love.

We need to recognize that these are gifts, freely given to us. Gifts which we cannot earn, that we may or may not feel worthy of, and that are beyond our ability to control. They may come to us early or late, like a soft summer breeze, or like a thunderbolt from the sky. They may come to us from a direction that we least expect it. They may be gifts that we don’t even recognize immediately as gifts. Our job then is to always be ready for them.

We need to keep that closet door open, and know that oftentimes it will be a demon that will come out. We have to be ready for that, to fight that demon, and force it back into the closet. But never shut the door, because every so often, if you’re really patient and keep facing that closet, an angel will come to the door holding something. The truly happy person is the one who is ready and waiting when that angel comes, the one who accepts their gift, and then, without even knowing what it is, opens it.

May you all find a way to quiet your demons, and may all your lives be filled with angels bearing gifts.